A few months ago I heard this quote from an author, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.” These words have had me daily wrestling with what my life looks like. If I’m going to say I’m a disciple of Jesus Christ then this confession requires that my main goal in life is to glorify God. Glorify would mean to exalt Him, make Him the most seen thing in my life. What does this mean? How does it apply in my life? Am I satisfied in God? Do I even love God? He says if you love me then you will obey me. Is that how I gain satisfaction? I came to the realization this morning that I am only satisfied when I am giving up my life. In my mind, MY life is everything I think I have a right to, the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. I just love how God’s ways are so upside down yet, when I am faced with “giving up my life” it is a really hard choice. It seems as God allows me to pursue things that I think will bring satisfaction, I always find those things falling short of the satisfaction that comes when I obey Jesus’ teachings. I also see that God is a loving Father and when I choose to give up the things I think I want or need so that he is glorified, He is faithful to satisfy me.
The other night I was talking with a friend who had just read my post, Spring Sprucing. They jokingly said, “When I read your blog I feel I lead a substandard life.” Then with laughter said, “I think I need a potting table!” We laughed at all of it and I was a little flattered that someone would feel their lives are substandard to mine. Then I felt like I wanted to puke! I know my friend was complimenting me and I’m so grateful that they freely offered love and approval but it left me feeling unsatisfied. I have felt the same things after looking at other people’s blogs. I have thought “if I could just have that or do that or my house look like that then I would be satisfied.” I have even thought I would be satisfied if someone could look at my things or life and desire them. I have desired fame but the other night proved that perspective wrong.
I hope through this blog that I am not encouraging those same feelings in you. Please don’t feel I lead a superior life free of struggle and normalcy. I am no more gifted than you. I have not been offered any greater gift than what has been offered to you. My house and business are my art and if God wanted to take it all away I hope I would freely let him. I thank you that through this blog you have let me into your lives. Thank you for letting me ramble on as I wrestle with the purpose and meaning for my life.
I sit here on the verge of tears, saying oh God I repent of ever glorifying myself over you. You are the only famous One. I am learning that chasing after the latest trends, a well decorated house, a successful business, status, friendships, the American Dream, even my own dreams does not satisfy the deepest longings of my soul. God alone is enough. In Him I am most satisfied.